Anatomy Of A Coward

Trump Ain't No Tough Guy

English actor and writer Stephen Fry is notably quoted as once saying: “Generally, we admire the thing that we are not.”

Poser

A couple of months ago, I mentioned to a colleague and bestselling author that I could tell that Donald Trump had never been in a fistfight in his life. At Trump’s rallies he often strikes what is supposed to be a boxing pose, or fighting stance (all part of his “tough” guy act). Trump is right-handed but when he strikes this pose his left leg is back and the right one forward.

Anyone that has had any level of training in hand-to-hand combat will tell you that such a thing will guarantee that you are likely to get the living shit knocked out of you. And, while I nerd out on the matter, Trump also puts his left hand (jab hand) up and right hand down. A fact which compels me to state, once again, anyone that has had any level of training in hand-to-hand combat will tell you that such a thing will guarantee that you are likely to get the living shit knocked out of you. These things are second nature and never, ever forgotten.

Trump is a pussy; perhaps he should grab himself.

Trump is also a coward and though the two tend to be twain they can be mutually exclusive, albeit on rare occasion.

FascistNations

From a political science standpoint, I find Donald Trump to be a most fascinating political character (caricature). My fascination mustn’t be confused or conflated with admiration or adoration, for I find the amorphous mass of orange human nothingness known as Donald Trump detestable. Nonetheless, fascinating.

For the record, I am also fascinated by tornadoes, plane crashes and train wrecks.

Though my fascinations with Trump are many there are three that are at the top of the list. The first of which is his constituency and popularity; a most damning indictment of the United States that is neither surprising nor shocking. Nonetheless, fascinating.

My second fascination with Donald Trump is how he managed to get five deferments from the Vietnam War. Donald Trump, Selective Service registrant No. 50-63-46-580, never served in the military during the Vietnam War. That has got to be some kind of a world record. I will revisit this issue momentarily as it is central to the theme of this particular journalistic ditty.

My third fascination with Donald Trump I shall not divulge at this time, but in due time. That notwithstanding, and given my altruistically mischievous nature, the next few paragraphs are a bit of a hint. And yes, I am intentionally toying with you.

Man-Love

Donald Trump loves authoritarians, fascists and dictators and he doesn’t hide his admiration for them. For instance, he gushes over Hungary’s Prime Minister Viktor Orban to the point of almost having to change his underwear when he talks about the dude. It’s rather unsettling. Whenever Trump speaks of Orban, the first statement he makes is “he’s tough.” Uh, huh.

Problem is, Viktor Oban earned his stripes, literally. He served in the military where his time in the army also coincided with the declaration of martial law in Poland. While in the military he was known to be a bit of a badass and was constantly in fights.

I guess you might see where I am going with this.

Another man Trump greatly admires (and, frankly, so do I for very different reasons) is Chinese President Xi Jinping. President Xi ranked high in the Chinese military and is a certified martial artist. Though it’s purported that he is slow to anger, he will thump on you. I can tell by his posture.

Trump is quite fond, apparently, of North Korean President and General Secretary Kim Jong Un. Aside from both men resembling pot-bellied pigs, they also share the fact that neither served in the military. However…

On September 27th, 2010, a day ahead of a rare Workers' Party of Korea conference in Pyongyang, Kim Jong Un was made a daejang. A daejang is the equivalent of a four-star general in the United States. President Kim was given this rank despite him having no previous military experience.

Finally, we arrive at Trump’s first love; one Vladimir Putin. Now, personally I have nothing against Putin. Putin isn’t shooting Black People in the United States in the back multiple times, or kicking down their doors and shooting 26 year old girls, or killing them because they are jogging down the street, or poisoning them with everything from lead in the water they drink to menthol cigarettes, or incarcerating them through the machinations of a bullshit justice system or purging them off of voter rolls.

I just had to get that out; think of it as a verbal laxative. And, please, pardon my digression. If you read me regularly you are likely becoming accustomed to it.

When Trump speaks of Putin what takes place is nothing less than weird. His voice changes. His gesticulations change. He really, really admires Mad Vlad. He talks about how “tough” Vlad is and it is clear he wishes to emulate him. But (here we go), therein lies the problem.

Vladimir Putin is a bad motherfucker for real. He holds several black belts in martial arts, including judo and savate. He is also an accomplished boxer. Putin worked as a KGB foreign intelligence officer for 16 years, rising to the rank of lieutenant colonel before resigning in 1991 to begin a political career in Saint Petersburg.

Few things in my life do I despise more than a goddamned coward. Trump is an arch coward and a bully. Wherever there is one, there is the other. This idiot talks about his “big hands” and has hands that resemble a little girl’s hands.

Speaking of little girls, all of my children are girls and I have always told them to “always look at a man’s hands. His eyes and face can lie to you but his hands will tell on him every time. You will know if he has ever done hard work, you will know if he cooks, you will know if he is clean, you will know if he is daring and, most of all, you will know if he fights.”

So, as Mr. Fry so eloquently stated “Generally, we admire the thing that we are not.” Donald Trump admires smart people, he is not a smart person. Donald Trump admires “the military,” and talks a lot of tough shit but he ducked five times. My father didn’t duck, my grandfather didn’t duck either…

other than bullets.