Smitty: Have You Heard of Him?

A treatise on the Smartest Man In The History...

Donald “Trump” Drumpf is the 47th president of the “US.” He was also the 45th. Were he to be “the decider” he was also the 46th, but he got robbed. Robbed by the swamp creatures that reside deep within the bowels of “US” politics. As such, consider his presidency a bowel perforation.

I am a fair wordsmith; perhaps not the world’s greatest, but a lightweight I am not. A statement that I make with supreme and utter confidence. Nonetheless, Donald Trump presents me with a set of problems that I rarely encounter in that I feel that any verbiage I employ or deploy to describe him is pathetically anemic. Every superlative, every pejorative, every descriptive adjective or noun that I might conjure to describe him seems insipid and frail. Given my rather advanced vocabulary and linguistic dexterity, I have come to a most upsetting conclusion and that is that there are no adequate words or phrases.

Except one.

Meet Mr. S.M.I.T.H.

Donald Trump is a genius. It’s true blue. He even said so. As a matter of fact, unlike the rest of us unstable geniuses (or those that play one in writing) he is “an extremely stable genius.”

How can I tell?

That was rhetorical.

At 0430 on the morning of January 6, 2018, one year into his first term, Trump tweeted the following: “Actually, throughout my life, my two greatest assets have been mental stability and being, like, really smart. I went from VERY successful businessman, to top T.V. Star to President of the United States (on my first try). I think that would qualify as not smart, but genius....and a very stable genius at that!

16 months after that mind bending and mood altering tweet, Trump proclaimed an upgrade. He was no longer a very stable genius he was, in fact, an “extremely stable” genius. This monumental announcement took place during an unhinged White House press conference.

Exactly three years after the aforementioned tweet, the “US” Capitol would be overrun by white supremacist racists loyal to Trump. They would pull down their pants and urinate on the floor, defecate on the desks of congressional leaders, smear the excrement on the walls and people would die as a result of the stable genius. Ted Bundy was an alleged genius as was Adolph Hitler, Charles Manson, Reverend James Jones and a plethora of other demented white boys. I guess they just weren’t “stable.”

“Bigly”

Unfortunately, Trump’s penchant for hyperbole grossly outpaces his command of the English language. The Short Amerikan Memory (SAM, Uncle) is why Trump is back in office as eaten bread is soon forgotten. Y’all forgot the word “bigly” that he used, ad nauseam, in his 2016 campaign. Funny how it just disappeared, like Democrats using the word “woke,” ain’t it?

During a campaign rally in December 2015, Trump famously touted his stellar intellect again stating "I know words. I have the best words” and, indeed, he does. For instance, in just the past few weeks he dressed down a reporter as he inferred their unstable ignorance by telling the reporter that Spain was a BRICS nation. He went on to inquire if the reporter even knew what BRICS is and told him that someday “you’ll figure it out.” Problem is, Spain is a European country and member of NATO which is a conflict of interest with BRICS nations on multiple fronts. Shortly thereafter, Trump met with Ukraine’s Zelensky and repeatedly used the term “raw earth materials” when the term is “rare earth materials.”

Enter Smitty, Stage Right

Due to Trump’s breathtaking intellectual prowess, I have bequeathed him a new moniker that truly reflects his genius. From this day forth, I will refer to him as Smitty. You see, particularly in Black Person in the United Statesland, persons named Smith are often referred to as “Smitty.” Since Trump is the Smartest Man In The History (S.M.I.T.H) of the world from what I gather, I will exhibit my reverential contempt by utilizing this new moniker in reference and deference.

One of Trump’s weirder linguistic tics is a rhetorical “have you heard of him/her/it.” He says it in a creepily girlish voice and it is a very strange manifestation. I actually find it uncomfortable. I have mercifully spared you such girlish rhetoric because I know that you have now heard of Smitty.

Donald J. Trump.

The “J” stands for G-E-N-I-U-S, M.F.

And that’s coming from a word-smith, to hell with the Spelling Bee.