The Hottest Leader

Caveat Emptor

The Chitlin’ Circuit Admonishment

I don’t have much of a sense of humor these days; and even in the most optimal of circumstance my sense of humor is definitely an acquired taste. Like stinky cheese, haggis or chitterlings. I only mention this because I might derive exquisite pleasure satirizing the succeeding content were it not of such a ghastly nature. That, however, does not preclude the literary sadist within me from ultimately rearing its ugly head and I expect the reader will recognize the monster when it presents itself.

Abandon all hope, ye who foolishly continue down this journalistic path; not because you weren't warned, but because you secretly wanted to see the fiend come out anyway.

The Waddle and The Gaggle

At the conclusion of an Air Force One press gaggle on July 27, 2026, “US” President Donald “Smitty” Trump was asked if China’s A.I. models are stealing from the “US.” Smitty responded consistent with his trademark eloquence and world class articulation “Well you know they’re looking at us, and we’re looking at them. But we’re leading there in China substantially in A.I. and we’re gonna keep it that way. We’re leading everybody in everything. We have a country that is doing well.”

Whilst the Negroid ogre that could be I lurks in the shadows, I am most certain it trusts the reader to marinate in that statement by the president. Let us forget the fact that the statement is insipid, vague and ambiguous. As a matter of fact, the statement is pathetic and I maintain supreme confidence that I am not alone in feeling sorry for “US.” The reality is the “US” has become a geopolitical homicidal joke that is south of amusing to the majority of the world’s inhabitants. Repercussions of which are yet to be felt, but will be; as only truth sets us free.

The Hot In Tot

Along with leading everyone, everywhere in everything, President Smitty’s boast of being 'the hottest country' is nothing more than populist self-aggrandizement and does not project global power. Not at all. Instead, it reduces state prestige, real or imagined, to a tragic Sarah Baartman public exhibition. Even this society’s most despicable louts must now realize that Amerikan exceptionalism is a form of global vulnerability. How it copes with it is a different matter entirely.

A cursory examination of Smitty’s grandiose proclamations will reveal that they are actually quite true, indeed.

The Almighty Speculum

Smitty’s prodigious claims about how hot the “US” is are verifiable given the “US” is a top historical and current greenhouse gas contributor, national temperatures are steadily rising, while political polarization remains intensely heated.

This is true.

The “US” has emitted roughly 400 billion tons of CO2 since 1751, making it responsible for about 25% of all historical global emissions—the largest cumulative share of any nation. North Amerika’s average decadal temperature increase has accelerated sharply, with recent years consistently ranking among the warmest in historical records compiled by the National Centers for Environmental Information. Amerikan per capita emissions remain among the highest in the world. roughly triple the global average.

This is true, too.

Meanwhile, studies from the Pew Research Center show that ideological silos and partisan gaps remain wide, keeping legislative compromise difficult; if not impossible and/or perilous. Roughly 65% of Amerikans report feeling exhausted by deep partisan divisions, while a majority perceive an increase in politically motivated tensions and extremism. Most ominously, a 2022 study conducted by the University of California, Davis found that half (about 50.1%) of surveyed Amerikans agreed that a civil war would happen in the United States in the next several years.

This too, is true.

It’s getting hot in here, so we may as well take off all of our clothes. The emperor is naked. Ass is the empire itself. Now, let us explore “leadership” of the most exceptional type. Because, you see, “US” doesn’t just train neural networks; it trains mortality statistics that leave other developed nations in the dust.

While Silicon Valley builds generative AI to write poetry, the “US” leads the high-income industrialized world in maternal mortality rates which is, of course, particularly devastating for women of color. Especially Black Women in the United States. Among peer wealthy nations (OECD countries), the U.S. routinely ranks near the bottom for keeping babies alive past their first year.

The “US” is peerless when it comes to civilian firearm ownership and mass casualty events. It is, handguns down, the undisputed world heavyweight champion of school shootings and preventable gun deaths. Forget a goddamned algorithm predicting the future, the present is the “US” packing heat and leading the globe in lead poisoning therefrom.

The “US” leads the world in incarceration and locks up human beings at a volume that makes dystopian novelists look like amateurs. Ironically, just like the matricide and infanticide previously referenced, this malady disproportionately affects Black People in The United States. The “US” has historically housed roughly 20% of the world’s prisoners despite having only about 4% of the global population, maintaining one of the highest incarceration rates on Earth. Now ask yourself, reader, are you upset at the facts? Or at me for stating them?

Trick question, as I know the answer.

The “US” leads the globe in turning a medical diagnosis into a liquidation event. Medical debt is a uniquely Amerikan rite of passage. It’s been the ruin of many a man, by gawd, I know I’m one. So, while A.I. can diagnose a tumor in milliseconds, your healthcare system ensures that the cure bankrupts you faster than your recovery time.

The “US” leads the world in homelessness and inequality. Record numbers of unsheltered Amerikans live in the shadow of trillion-dollar tech monopolies in cities like San Francisco, Seattle, and Austin. Correspondingly, and despite spending vastly more per capita on healthcare than any other nation, “US” life expectancy lags behind nearly every other high-income nation. Guess one must pay the cost, to be the boss.

Frankly, I think China can learn a thing or two about leadership from “US.” Why, they ought aspire to steal our gun death statistics or our prescription drug pricing models! Let’s see those commies replicate our corporate healthcare markup! They should be thinking night and day how they can catch up to the homeless population Smitty has, the drug addicted and mentally ill Smitty has, the poverty rate Smitty has alongside the illiteracy rate Smitty has.

Be mindful of your rhetoric Smitty; you have a big mouth and you are an abject coward. You’ve been one since childhood. Additionally, be very careful of what you measure, Mr. President (that, too) because your country is winning the wrong races by a landslide.

An Anecdotal Ode Owed To Dr. Marion Sims

Earlier in this piece I deployed a subheading titled The Almighty Speculum, and. prior to that I mentioned Sarah Baartman. ‘Twas not an accident. A speculum is a device used to examine bodily cavities; many women are familiar with them. What they may not know is that it was a man (and I use the term loosely) that is credited for “inventing” the vaginal speculum. He was a vicious racist and used Black Women in the United States as experimental animals.

Often crafting his “inventions” from bent spoons and all manner of horrific implements, he would dig into, invade and exploit their genitalia and internal organs. He developed this instrument while performing repeated, unanesthetized surgical experiments on enslaved Black Women in the United States—including Anarcha, Lucy, and Betsey—to treat vesicovaginal fistulas. According to Dr. Sims, the Negress, like the Buck, was incapable of feeling pain.

Nonetheless, it is through me you shall pass into the city of woe.

https://www.c-span.org/program/white-house-event/president-trump-speaks-to-reporters-on-air-force-one/683421