There Is No "I" in Team...or Debate

Three questions I would ask both of tonight's less than inspiring presidential candidates.

Prologue

Politics in the United States are often metaphorically compared to sports. The Biden-Trump rematch was not to be, so the Democrats came up with a hail Mary pass in Kamala Harris. Some say that she hit it out of the park at the DNC a few weeks ago with her speech; I am of no such opinion.

For better or, likely, worse, Donald Trump has been a political game-changer by exhuming the same old racist playbook that is the cornerstone of U.S. politics and society. The polls between the two candidates appear to be plus or minus four points which is within the margin of error making it impossible to determine a frontrunner. As they both step into the ring tonight, each will be hoping to deliver a knockout punch to their opponent with the blue team cheering for Harris and the red team cheering for Trump.

Question One

I have always liked team sports. I was ten years-old the first year my dad signed me up for Little League though I am not particularly fond of baseball. My team was The Elks and we stunk and, frankly, I was no asset. The following year was my first year in midget football and I was scared shitless, but I kind of liked it. My dad was a non-lethal combat (NLC) instructor in the Marine Corp and gave me “private” boxing lessons…I much preferred football.

By the time I entered high school the intensity of the violence of football quantitatively increased but I had learned the secret. Anyone that has ever put that hat on and a pair of pads knows exactly what I am talking about. For reasons I can’t quite fathom, football was were I excelled as an athlete. Though I tried to go out for basketball, I got cut (quickly).

Being on a team teaches lessons that can be taught in no other environment. When I had children of my own, I realized why my father signed me up for Little League that year. As a single parent raising my baby girl alone, I wanted her to be on a team for the character building experience it is but a jock she was not. In fact she never learned to ride a bike (not that I didn’t try). She simply was not into athleticism (oddly enough she could throw a football like Patrick Mahomes).

Her freshman year of high school I gave her an ultimatum that she would either join a team sport or join the speech and debate team. Her school consistently has one of the nation’s top teams. She didn’t think that much of a choice (which was by design) and acquiesced to being on her S&D team. The first year she had a mild tantrum and told me she wanted to quit. I told her “okay, make sure you see your gym coach tomorrow and sign up for whatever team is having tryouts.” She remained on the S&D team. Heh, heh.

Her sophomore year she had blossomed into a star on the team. She would remain one her junior and senior years. Having been captain of my mock trials team in high school, I was an assistant coach for her team as well as a judge at her tournaments (of course I could not judge her). The team wore black and I remember many a morning ironing her dress before the sun rose, laying out her black stockings and shoes so that she could sleep a few more minutes.

The tournaments started at 0800 most times and as a judge I had to check in early. The tournaments would go all day and we would get home after dark. Sometimes the tournaments continued into the next day (the entire weekend). Poor kid would be exhausted and while she took a shower I’d throw something together for dinner. Eight hours later, we were at it again.

I watched my daughter mature progressively in terms of confidence, poise and leadership skills. Always one to help others, this trait was magnified and she was admired by her younger teammates. I mean she was a rock-star and still has relationships with her former teammates even though she has just finished graduate school. We have often talked about that day she wanted to quit and she has always thanked me for insisting she continue. Had she not she would be a different person today.

I have taken this circuitous route to question number one for a reason other than the opportunity to brag about my child. You see, I have found that people that have never been on a team, don’t know how to be on one. Of my parents, one of them played on teams, one did not. The one that did was brave, loyal, dependable, timely and selfless. The one that did not was cowardly, treacherous, disloyal, undependable and selfish; characteristics that would destroy our family. A family is a team.

As Coach Fordiani would always say “ain’t no I in team, goddammit!” I think that phrase and “hit somebody” was the extent of his vocabulary. Therefore, my first question to the candidates would be whether they have ever been on a team and what did they learn from the experience.

I am aware Trump, allegedly, was on the football team for one year in college. If that is true he is still pulling the splinters out of his ass from “riding pine.” Agent Orange doesn’t have the nerve it takes to get out on that gridiron. He doesn’t have the countenance and I can look in his eyes and tell. So, the caveat to my question would be you actually had to participate, not just have a uniform on.

Question Two

Unlike question number one, question two requires little preamble so I am going to get right to it. Tomorrow marks the 23rd anniversary of the September 11 (or “9-11”) attacks. Given the unprecedented instability in the world today, a world quantifiably more stressed and dangerous that it was then, I would like both candidates queried as to what they have learned in that 23 years and how they think the United States is safer, if it is. I would follow up with what will they do to prevent another attack. I’d love to hear their response to that because they can’t prevent it, but their respective evasive word salad bullshit might prove entertaining.

Question Three

Of the three questions, this one is the most ominous and I have intentionally saved the best for last (so to speak).

Due to Trump’s behavior in the past regarding the legitimacy of the elections he is almost always asked “will you honor the results of the election if you lose?” Now, in fairness to Agent Orange, he is not the only presidential candidate or politician to posit that the elections are rigged yet he seems to be the only one ever asked the question. Trump’s answer is always non-committal and I am not suggesting that it should be anymore than Harris’ should be. Unfortunately that is the mess we have on our hands, but I want them both to answer the question and here is why.

Unless this election is an absolute, undeniable blowout, there is going to be blowback. And I’m talking an electoral crap-show the world has never seen. The Republicans are already gearing up to harass certain voters in certain places. The Republicans are already purging voter rolls. The supreme court is already licking its chops; chomping at the proverbial bit to meddle electorally.

Meanwhile, given how terrified the Democrats are of Trump I do not see them laying down given the aforementioned tactics by the Republicans in a close election. The Democrats are already talking about “Russia meddling in our elections” (which always tickles me given U.S. “meddling” worldwide). Russia allegedly meddled in 2016, 2020 and is at it again. I don’t quite understand why the United States seems so inept in neutralizing this ten year-old threat or at least implementing appropriate and effective countermeasures.

Both the Democrats and the Republicans are laying down their respective gauntlets to challenge the election results. I’d like both candidates to answer the question because barring a landslide one way or another, neither party is going to walk away, graciously collect the marbles they have left and go home. That dog don’t hunt.

Perhaps both Harris and Trump would strikeout on all three questions were they to be posed. Perhaps one of them will step up to the plate and hit a homerun tonight. In ether case, I’ll be Monday morning quarterbacking the entire sordid affair on the morrow.

Stay tuned.